3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
