dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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