Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
