If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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