we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
