Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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