We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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