It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
