Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
