the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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