HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
