nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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