No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
