I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
