I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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