This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
