I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
