I drank myself into bisexuality again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
