You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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