I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
