Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
