she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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