So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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