someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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