He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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