My first STD was from a foam party
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
