come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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