If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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