i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
