and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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