Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
