I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
