Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
