I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
