seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
