I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
