no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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