all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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