Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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