if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
