just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
