jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
