I have demons in me.
i just google imaged poop.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
