They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
