Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
