At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
