what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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