This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
