thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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