i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
