I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
