Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
